My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The uberlube is also flammable
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
