Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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