My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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