Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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