I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
