It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
