i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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