I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
