I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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