I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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