WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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