you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
