he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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