why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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