I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
