He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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