Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
