I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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