Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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