we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
