haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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