in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
