i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
