Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
