If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
