Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize