I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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