my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
