Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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