I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I love having hate sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
