I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
