hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
