Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
