how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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