so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
