I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize