i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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