12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
