Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Small penises have feelings too.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
