So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
