so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
