Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
