Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
