ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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