before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
