If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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