Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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