What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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