We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
