are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
