ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's blow job season.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
