There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
