she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
