I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
