i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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