Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
