Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
