Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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