Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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