she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
