i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
