i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
