This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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