Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
