you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
