Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
