I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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