Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
