I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
