i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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