So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
