It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
