Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
